Revolution at the Food Court

What punk means to me is this: all those kids who didn't have any friends because they were nerdy or weird or quiet or dressed funny....you have a seat at our table. Anyone who didn't quite fit in, you can hang with us. Punk is the haven for all the misfits and weirdos, all the kids who weren't allowed to sit at any of the other tables in the lunchroom, or else had an entire table completely to themselves. The ones who could look forward to a daily swirly in the gym locker room toilets, or had calluses on their shoulders from being shoved into their locker in the hallway.

The main difference, to me, between punks and hippies is that hippies seem to insist on seeing the world as the way they wish it was, the way they think it should be, and are not hesitant to try and impose their views on everyone around them, and pass judgment on those who believe differently. It's like the old joke about how do you know if your friend is a vegan? (Answer: don't worry, they'll fucking tell you.) Punks, on the other hand, tend to view the world as it really is. They recognize that there is room in the world for beauty and hope and love, but that more often the world is a cruel and ugly place. They understand that all hope and beauty and love is only won through a hard fight. Where hippies think they can change the world through sheer force of will, by expanding their consciousness in their living rooms and signing petitions, punks get that to effect true change you have to take to the streets and mix it up. True change never comes without blood. And punks understand that that blood, more often than not, is ours. If you want that tree to grow in Brooklyn, you must first break up the concrete before you can plant that seed.

 Punks recognize strength in numbers, and that no one really goes it alone. That's why there's such a sense of community between punks in their respective scenes. And sure, there's a legitimate complaint against mall-punk and kids who buy their clothes at Hot Topic, a commercialization and distortion of what punk has always represented (revolution in a shopping mall, anyone?), but that was bound to happen anyway. The revolution, at some point, is always (has to be?) made safe for the masses. Gil Scott-Heron was wrong, the revolution will always be televised. That's how you know when you're winning. A revolution makes no headway until it goes mainstream.

Lumos

Like old, great friends who haven't spoken in years, but somehow seem to pick up the threads right where they left off, let's just go ahead and dive into this thing, yea?

So I'm talking via text with my cousin the other day. One of my proudest accomplishments being that I have successfully been able to get him hooked on the Harry Potter series, and he's been tearing through those books like wildfire. He's currently starting book 6. So anyway, the other day, he's at some art festival or whatever, and feels something drop on his foot. He picks up a business card that has landed on his shoe, and asks the guy next to him if it's his. The guy responds that he thinks the girl who just walked by dropped it. So my cousin looks at the card and notices there's a small sticker attached to it with a handwritten "D.A." Now, if you're familiar with the Potter books, you know this stands for "Dumbledore's Army". He texts me the story along with a pic of the card,and we laugh about it.

But here's the thing:

Secretly, inside, I was a little upset. Because all my life I've had to hide the fact that I love nerdy, geeky things like the Potter series, Doctor Who, comic books, and video games, among my many other nerdy pursuits. I got nothing but made fun of for my interests. And now here comes my cousin, who never shared any of my interests and would good naturedly tease me about them, and he hasn't even finished reading the series yet, and he's already getting hit on by Harry Potter nerd girls.

I mean, what the fuck, right?

Now, I do not begrudge him this bit of flirting. It's not his fault, he didn't ask for it, and wasn't planning on it. But I can't help but feel a bit pissy when I think about how all I've ever wanted is a girl who shares at least some of my interests, and it seems like they're extinct anywhere I go. And now, even though he doesn't even go out looking for this (he already has a girlfriend), it just falls right in his lap. And, by his own admission, he is still new to the whole geek life thing! I mean, honestly.

And I don't want to really mention it to him, because I don't want to make him feel bad. He's had to deal with a lot of my bullshit lately, and I don't want to add to it. But I can't help but feel like someone is just twisting that knife.

I don't know. It just feels like lately I have all this anger and this pain, and it's all just right under the surface these days, ready to come flying out at the slightest provocation or excuse.

I honestly don't know if I'm ever going to be okay again.